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As we move through the seventh year of Problem Children, I will be sharing thoughts and reflections on what we are learning and what the program needs to continue growing.

In 2022 I did something similar by focusing on the importance of eating together, creating together, and making space for young artists to explore their place in society.

This year I will focus on the people who make this work possible: the “mentors” whose service, benevolence, and love have clarified (and in ways fulfilled) the promise of Problem Children. Over the past seven years we have had the great pleasure of working with an array of incredible, thoughtful, and inspiring people in this capacity—people who understand the importance of giving to the next generation.

Through communications like this letter, personal outreach, and mentor training we hope to continue building this community of people whose loving and mature presence supports young minds as they find their way in our world. I will talk more about this “community” aspect in the next installation of this series.

For now I will focus in on the “mentor” role. What does it mean to be a “mentor”? What qualities and ways of being constitute “good” mentorship? Why do we need “mentors”? Why should we strive to become “good mentors”?

As we continually uncover what our young people are asking of us, defining the “mentor” role has proven an important way to support the fantastic adults who share their time, love, and brilliance. When they are well supported, mentors are the most powerful tool imaginable for students venturing to stretch toward their full potential.

In better defining this role I hope you feel compelled to rethink what mentorship means in your life, and inspired to join us as we build a community of like-hearted mentors, educators, neighbors.

If you are so called, please reply to this email or contact me directly: daniel@problemlibrary.org

At the foundation of Problem Children is the belief that when we give students the opportunity to do something great—they will. We believe in the capacity of young creative minds to achieve more than society currently asks of them. And that, in fact, they yearn for the chance to be challenged, to grow. It is a yearning to be heard and to be seen.

Creating this kind of space relies on a number of people coming together to supply the encouragement and honesty students long for. The work needs others who will listen to, care for, and witness these young spirits. People who will see them not only for who they are, but for who they might become. We call these people “mentors”.

But as it relates to Problem Children the word “mentor” has long felt incorrect – we use it because it gets close. Still, its narrow meaning puts a limit ⁰¹ on our ability to understand all the ways students need us to be. So over the years we have worked to define qualities and behaviors (aspects) mentors must take up to help students thrive.

In the broadest sense, this is a project of figuring out how to shepherd those younger than us as they seek to live lives rich with agency, meaning, and compassion. This existential question has plagued thinkers far greater than any of us ⁰².

In the context of Problem Children, however, we have managed to uncover some clear and dynamic definitions for these aspects. These qualities and behaviors are largely absent from the modern experience—but they are ones that any of us can, and should, take up.

While each person understands and expresses love in unique ways, knowing that love should drive engagement with students (or, really, anyone) is paramount. This base of understanding gives us (mentors, staff, adults) the confidence to properly support those we work with (students). And to do so based on our unique experiences, ways of being, and aptitudes. Importantly, with this acknowledgment we can enact behaviors that bolster us in this work.

Flowing from love are three ways of being that are foundational to the role of a Problem Children mentor: being a witness; being a curious conversationalist; and being a supplier of courage. Each is a way of seeing and listening to students. Each is expansive and enables personal qualities to shine through. Collectively they honor, respect, and show care for our students.

Witnessing

Being a witness is about looking carefully and reflecting back the passions, talents, and capacities we see with honesty, grace, and optimism. It is about helping students get a better sense of who they are, what they care about, and who they are becoming.

When we witness another, we help them see themselves as an expansive and expanding spirit. The behavior is a reminder that we all need others to help us grow. As Alain de Botton puts it: “I need another to help me carry my history, one who knows me as well, sometimes better, than I know myself” ⁰⁴.

Conversing

Being a curious conversationalist involves understanding what reference points, knowledge, and experience a student has. With this information we can introduce them to new language, perspectives, and trains of thought they can use to engage with the world.

This helps students understand how the past connects to their present and how they can link new ideas and venture into uncharted territories. In doing this, students begin to figure out their place in the ongoing conversation that is humanity and gain clarity on how to add their unique voice to it.

Encouraging

All this requires that we be a force of encouragement—which is defined as giving support, confidence, or hope. While this may sound like a simple enough task, under the surface it is about persuading students to trust their intuition. This means encouragement must be dispensed with humility and trust.

Through this we validate students and give them opportunities to turn negative self-talk into optimistic self-trust—into courage. Equipped with courage we are more willing to venture into the chaos of the world and contribute our unique light to it.

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These behaviors all point in the same direction: an understanding that “love is primarily giving, not receiving”. This lies at the heart of what we (mentors, adults, neighbors) can gain when we approach others with love: a sense of our own capacity, expansion, and place in our human experiment. As Erich Fromm said: “In the very act of giving, I experience my strength, my wealth, my power”.

In The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm reminds us that a healthy culture is not reliant on the transmission of knowledge or information – but on the “teaching which can only be given by the simple presence of a mature, loving person”. This is the role Problem Children mentors play, and the notion that fuels our vision for the future of this program. Put simply: the growth of Problem Children lies in creating more spaces for these loving, kind exchanges.

It is incumbent upon all of us to give our younger generations visions of what it means to be a mature, loving, and uplifting human. To engage and support them directly as they navigate the chasm between childhood and adulthood. If we fail to create pathways for younger humans to successfully, positively, and expansively enter adulthood we risk losing everything.

Or, as Fromm put it in 1956:

If we should not succeed in keeping alive a vision of mature life, then indeed we are confronted with the probability that our whole cultural tradition will break down. This tradition is not primarily based on the transmission of certain kinds of knowledge, but of certain kinds of human traits. If the coming generations will not see these traits any more, a five-thousand-year-old culture will break down, even if its knowledge is transmitted and further developed. ⁰⁵

Indeed.

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If you are inspired to learn more and join us, please reply to this email or go ahead and contact me directly: daniel@problemlibrary.org

Lastly, as a self-funded non-profit, we rely on donations from our community to do this work. We invite you to join your fellow neighbors by donating to Problem Library:

Daniel Lucas
Education Director

Footnotes

01 – I am referencing the idea, put forth by many philosophers, that language helps us understand the world around us. Here I’m jumping off from Wittgenstein who said “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world”. But I am equally inspired by the way Desmond Tutu said it: “Language creates the reality it describes”

02 – The list goes back to Plato, but for modern fare you can think of folks like Paulo Freire, bell hooks, Simone Weil, Ivan Illich, Margaret Mead, John Holt, Maria Montessori, etcetera.

03 – The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm, 43

04 – On Love, Alain de Botton, 128

05 – The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm, 108—109